After spending my life being whatever I though the people around me wanted me to be, I was sure the real me would be rejected if anyone really knew her. I never tried it out, but I'd experienced plenty of rejection and didn't think I could handle any more.

So, after several years in the program and much trepidation, I asked my Sponsor to listen to some of the things I had written about myself when I "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves," in my Fourth Step. I was doing the Steps piecemeal and had been giving her a few samples of my experience whenever we got together. This time I described the behaviors that gave me the most shame and I cringed as I waited for her response. She'd told me many times before, "You're not all that good at being all that bad," and that was the first thing I heard when I finished. My Sponsor reminded me of some of the parts of her own story that wouldn't have fit any "Goody Two-Shoes." With her gentle laugh, she assured me that I'd done the best I could with what I had at the time.

My relief was great. I hadn't been rejected - I had been loved! This must be an example of the unconditional love I'd heard about around the tables at Al-Anon meetings. I thought I might just reveal the rest of my secrets if this is what would happen.

As I look back on that Fifth Step and subsequent ones, I see I was receiving examples of healthy ways to relate to people. I can just listen when someone shares joy, grief, shame or confusion. I can relay my acceptance and perhaps help someone accept the circumstances of a situation. Perhaps I can help someone else accept herself. I can love as I have been loved. Such interactions are bound to be contagious.

- Laurie K., Missouri

Reprinted from The Forum magazine, October 2003 Issue